The scale was not as generous as I would like, I am back up to 158.6. I am not upset about this at all. I didn't eat all that well this past weekend, but I didn't eat badly enough to gain 2#, so I will chalk it up to fluid retention due to my increased workouts.
I also measured myself and will post the stats in my profile. I will be monitoring these with more interest than the scale. The scale is just an indicator of how heavy I am, not how great my improvements are.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Monday, Sept 17
And so begins another week. I didn't train over the weekend, too much going on and logistically impossible. That really shouldn't happen, but it did. So that's something to think about and work on. My eating was pretty good, not stellar, but not completely down the tubes. I felt good about it- not overwhelmed or terrified of calories. Honestly, there was too much drinking. THAT has to stop.
I got my hands on The New Rules of Lifting. A great book and one I intend to employ in my workouts. Lifting is the thing. For the intense amount of time, the benefits are extremely great. Nonetheless, it's all very good.
Tomorrow I weigh in and I'll meaure myself too. I wore jeans this weekend which have looked better in the past, but they were comfortable to wear- so I'll take that.
I got my hands on The New Rules of Lifting. A great book and one I intend to employ in my workouts. Lifting is the thing. For the intense amount of time, the benefits are extremely great. Nonetheless, it's all very good.
Tomorrow I weigh in and I'll meaure myself too. I wore jeans this weekend which have looked better in the past, but they were comfortable to wear- so I'll take that.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Weds morning 9/12
I am keeping pretty well on track here. It's an adjustment. The temptation for sugar is great. When my days are long and hard as school the vending machine calls to me. Yesterday I decided to succumb. To my initial frustration and ultimate delight, the machine would not take my money- so instead I took the stairs. The craving quickly subsided and I could forget about it.
This is sort of how things have been going lately- getting pulled back from the brink. Close is close, as long as I don't trip over the line. Though all in all things are not bad. It helps that it's harvest time and the fruits and vegetables are looking so amazing. It's the dreary oatmeal winters that are hard.
This morning was 40 mins on the bike/trainer. I should really have gone for a run but I'm still afraid. I want to build up some more strength and cardio before I head out there. I miss it. My lab classes look over the WSide Hwy and the path that I love to run. It's a good daily reminder of where I want to go.
The scale was not so kind yesterday, but I've got my excuses. Salty meals, TOM etc. Whatever- my pants were a tad looser yesterday, so whatever. It feels good to be getting stronger, to be good to myself. I sometimes think of myself as an empty vessel and I've lifted the lid off my head. Into my body I am pouring all this goodness, including the education. Food for the body, mind and soul.
This is sort of how things have been going lately- getting pulled back from the brink. Close is close, as long as I don't trip over the line. Though all in all things are not bad. It helps that it's harvest time and the fruits and vegetables are looking so amazing. It's the dreary oatmeal winters that are hard.
This morning was 40 mins on the bike/trainer. I should really have gone for a run but I'm still afraid. I want to build up some more strength and cardio before I head out there. I miss it. My lab classes look over the WSide Hwy and the path that I love to run. It's a good daily reminder of where I want to go.
The scale was not so kind yesterday, but I've got my excuses. Salty meals, TOM etc. Whatever- my pants were a tad looser yesterday, so whatever. It feels good to be getting stronger, to be good to myself. I sometimes think of myself as an empty vessel and I've lifted the lid off my head. Into my body I am pouring all this goodness, including the education. Food for the body, mind and soul.
Monday, September 10, 2007
some yoga thoughts
The mantra this morning is revelling. I did my yoga practice and was pretty tight. It's been a couple of weeks since I've done it so I shouldn't be surprised. As I was stretching and lunging, I started to feel unhappy with myself for not being in better shape.
"Ugh, this is not good, I should be looser than this and much stronger, how could I let this go for so long?" blah blah blah. As I was in a cross legged stretch I started to let that go. Instead I thought about how my muscles were lengthening at that moment, how this practice was so good for me and how I was being so good to myself. Instead of grousing and feeling badly I just enjoyed and honored how good things are. For that I am grateful.
This is the mantra I need to carry with me every day. It is not the past, it is not the ultimate future- it is the now. This beautiful morning, this yoga pose, this luscious ripe tomato. Whatever it is. I can't manipulate anything other than this moment and how I perceive it.
So I got my yoga in today, later between classes I will do some cardio. I have a 2.5 hr break and it's good for me not only to get out of the building (which these days is air conditioned to freezer levels), but to also get blood flowing after sitting for so long and for having to sit for another 2.5 hr lecture after.
I also got to thinking about success and how important that is. It was difficult to constantly face disappointments when I was sick. Again and again and again and again. So now the successes are vital. No matter how large or small I need yes and yes and yes! It's so silly really, almost juvenile, but then again, the honest truth. Fragile ego or not, I can't move forward without it.
"Ugh, this is not good, I should be looser than this and much stronger, how could I let this go for so long?" blah blah blah. As I was in a cross legged stretch I started to let that go. Instead I thought about how my muscles were lengthening at that moment, how this practice was so good for me and how I was being so good to myself. Instead of grousing and feeling badly I just enjoyed and honored how good things are. For that I am grateful.
This is the mantra I need to carry with me every day. It is not the past, it is not the ultimate future- it is the now. This beautiful morning, this yoga pose, this luscious ripe tomato. Whatever it is. I can't manipulate anything other than this moment and how I perceive it.
So I got my yoga in today, later between classes I will do some cardio. I have a 2.5 hr break and it's good for me not only to get out of the building (which these days is air conditioned to freezer levels), but to also get blood flowing after sitting for so long and for having to sit for another 2.5 hr lecture after.
I also got to thinking about success and how important that is. It was difficult to constantly face disappointments when I was sick. Again and again and again and again. So now the successes are vital. No matter how large or small I need yes and yes and yes! It's so silly really, almost juvenile, but then again, the honest truth. Fragile ego or not, I can't move forward without it.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Sept 9, 2007- the very beginning
What was once shall be again and better.
I am solidily back on the road to recovery. I made a promise to myself and Jonathan to be diligent and consistant, while honoring what I need to do for my body and my mind.
The first thing was overcoming the fear of getting sick again. This has been no small thing for me. As a person who has always had boundless strength and energy it was devastating to get sick and lose that power. The physical difficulties of not being able to get through a few hours of work was one thing, but the emotional impact of not trusting my body and being so afraid of it was horrifyingly traumatic. It has been horrible living with this demon that I cannot escape.
Over the weeks and months I helplessly watched my strength ebb and my body shift from being lean and strong to getting weak and quite overweight. By the time I could stop the backslide I had gained 34# and lost all cardio and all strength- all this in a less than a year, about 9 months or so.The doctors told me I was fine and to go home, patting me on the head. "You don't HAVE to run marathons or triathlons you know". Oh how wrong could they be.
So that was a couple of years ago, and it's taken me to now to finally get my feet solidly back on the ground, physically and emotionally, to rebuild.
The progression will be slow. It has to be. It pains me to mince my way through a workout, but I know that there is no other way. Not only do I need to nurture this frail body, but also rebuild my trust in my own physical self.
Yoga and meditation have been a huge help. This I need to do more of. Time time time... the culprit and the salvation.
Much has been done in the past two years to recreate my work and lifestyle to accommodate a more healthy existance. I have scaled back my work as far as I can go and still keep the lights on. Though scarey financially at first, nothing has been more satisfying. If I had my druthers I would never bake another cake again- but balance is the key- and always has been.
SO- here I go- not to get too bogged down in the history- the story is NOW and forward!
I have started out by promising myself little things. The first thing is to be kind to myself. Sounds simple enough, but endurance athletes do not really have this phrase in their vocabulary. It started out this Summer, just being kind in the basic simple ways. Quality food, quality sleep, quality fun etc. Ultimately this lead to the end of my relationship with Pond- and as sad as that was- it has been a super healthy thing, for both of us.
So now I am trusting myself more to be kind. It was hard at first not to go to the gym and wallop myself with a killer workout. This proved disasterous on two levels. One physically- I was so out of shape and sore! and Two, so depressing.
But perseverance with finding the kind balance is key. Ha ha- so many search for motivation to get out and train, for me it is finding peace with not over training.
So today- 60 minute spin class with Wil. I was not able to keep up with the class entirely. I am training with my hrm these days and trying to keep it within reasonable levels while I rebuild my CV system. It's coming along, I used to be worse. I am feeling less like a fraud and more like an athlete. My mental state is that of one. This might not be the scenic route, but this is the road back and there is no detour. I am sucking up my pride and keeping my head down and focused.
My other goal is to lose this weight. Now that I am studying nutrition there is no excuse. I have put myself on my own plan and so far so good. The basic plan is wholesome natural foods as much as possible. Diet soda once or twice a week- eating only when hungry and only to satisfaction. This also means that I allow myself treats when I desire them- but within moderation and as healthy as possible. There is no out and out restriction and so no feeling of deprivation- this is about treating my body with dignity and honor, not punishing it by saying no. The other thing is I am focusing on losing just 1# a week or so. No push for anything greater than that. If I can stick to this plan/lifestyle, in due time I will be the best, healthiest, strongest woman I've ever been. I am in the process of becoming- and as I keep treating myself with these healthy elements, form will eventually follow function.
This morning I weighed in at 156.8- I started at 158.8 and this is week two- right on track. I need to get in 30 mins minimum of cardio 5-7 days, more like 60 mins. Also strength training and/or yoga. If I was smart I would do yoga first thing, before getting on the computer and wasting time. I am going to try and incorporate that into my schedule. I am learning to prioritize my life- work does NOT come first- I do. Oh is that a tough one...
I am solidily back on the road to recovery. I made a promise to myself and Jonathan to be diligent and consistant, while honoring what I need to do for my body and my mind.
The first thing was overcoming the fear of getting sick again. This has been no small thing for me. As a person who has always had boundless strength and energy it was devastating to get sick and lose that power. The physical difficulties of not being able to get through a few hours of work was one thing, but the emotional impact of not trusting my body and being so afraid of it was horrifyingly traumatic. It has been horrible living with this demon that I cannot escape.
Over the weeks and months I helplessly watched my strength ebb and my body shift from being lean and strong to getting weak and quite overweight. By the time I could stop the backslide I had gained 34# and lost all cardio and all strength- all this in a less than a year, about 9 months or so.The doctors told me I was fine and to go home, patting me on the head. "You don't HAVE to run marathons or triathlons you know". Oh how wrong could they be.
So that was a couple of years ago, and it's taken me to now to finally get my feet solidly back on the ground, physically and emotionally, to rebuild.
The progression will be slow. It has to be. It pains me to mince my way through a workout, but I know that there is no other way. Not only do I need to nurture this frail body, but also rebuild my trust in my own physical self.
Yoga and meditation have been a huge help. This I need to do more of. Time time time... the culprit and the salvation.
Much has been done in the past two years to recreate my work and lifestyle to accommodate a more healthy existance. I have scaled back my work as far as I can go and still keep the lights on. Though scarey financially at first, nothing has been more satisfying. If I had my druthers I would never bake another cake again- but balance is the key- and always has been.
SO- here I go- not to get too bogged down in the history- the story is NOW and forward!
I have started out by promising myself little things. The first thing is to be kind to myself. Sounds simple enough, but endurance athletes do not really have this phrase in their vocabulary. It started out this Summer, just being kind in the basic simple ways. Quality food, quality sleep, quality fun etc. Ultimately this lead to the end of my relationship with Pond- and as sad as that was- it has been a super healthy thing, for both of us.
So now I am trusting myself more to be kind. It was hard at first not to go to the gym and wallop myself with a killer workout. This proved disasterous on two levels. One physically- I was so out of shape and sore! and Two, so depressing.
But perseverance with finding the kind balance is key. Ha ha- so many search for motivation to get out and train, for me it is finding peace with not over training.
So today- 60 minute spin class with Wil. I was not able to keep up with the class entirely. I am training with my hrm these days and trying to keep it within reasonable levels while I rebuild my CV system. It's coming along, I used to be worse. I am feeling less like a fraud and more like an athlete. My mental state is that of one. This might not be the scenic route, but this is the road back and there is no detour. I am sucking up my pride and keeping my head down and focused.
My other goal is to lose this weight. Now that I am studying nutrition there is no excuse. I have put myself on my own plan and so far so good. The basic plan is wholesome natural foods as much as possible. Diet soda once or twice a week- eating only when hungry and only to satisfaction. This also means that I allow myself treats when I desire them- but within moderation and as healthy as possible. There is no out and out restriction and so no feeling of deprivation- this is about treating my body with dignity and honor, not punishing it by saying no. The other thing is I am focusing on losing just 1# a week or so. No push for anything greater than that. If I can stick to this plan/lifestyle, in due time I will be the best, healthiest, strongest woman I've ever been. I am in the process of becoming- and as I keep treating myself with these healthy elements, form will eventually follow function.
This morning I weighed in at 156.8- I started at 158.8 and this is week two- right on track. I need to get in 30 mins minimum of cardio 5-7 days, more like 60 mins. Also strength training and/or yoga. If I was smart I would do yoga first thing, before getting on the computer and wasting time. I am going to try and incorporate that into my schedule. I am learning to prioritize my life- work does NOT come first- I do. Oh is that a tough one...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)